"Things are simpler than I think they are." This is my mantra for the day.
I feel like 2019 is slapping me in the face and asking, "Girl. are you ready to grow for real, for real? 'Cause here's your opportunity."
On top of jetlag and the worst cold I've had in recent memory, I'm facing some big health and relationship growth opportunities.
In the past, I might have called them "challenges" but they really are opportunities -- Opportunities to be more aligned in two of the most important parts of my life right now.
And even though I can label them as such, I've felt a great deal of overwhelm and fear.
I've also felt disappointment seeing that all the work I've done hasn't been enough. I KNOW the journey is never really over but I'm tired. I KNOW that it's my journey to take but I still dream of letting someone else tell me what to do.
It's hard to see that I've been wearing rose-colored glasses, celebrating everything that has been working, but not telling the truth about what still needs attention.
It's true that I've healed from Lyme disease. It's also true that there's some post-Lyme fall out to address, that my metabolic systems aren't working properly, and at some point drinking coffee, crashing every couple weeks, and saying everything's good just isn't going to cut it anymore.
This morning in my meditation/reflection time I realized that the major fear coming up for me has been fear of financial scarcity.
I am very annoyed by this. I'm anti-capitalist, I've done a lot of work on my money mindset, and fear of not having money is still threatening to destroy what's most dear to me.
I've been planning to lead a book study group on Maria Nemeth's The Energy of Money in February and I'm seeing now just how much I will personally benefit from the money mindset reboot that the book offers. 💰
My internal scarcity monkey has been saying:
Healing my body for real, for real is going to take a lot of time and energy. Healing my relationship is going to take time and a lot of emotional energy. If I put in that time and energy, I won't put enough work into my business, I won't be successful, I'll go back to being broke, everything will be hard, and life will be super poopy.
❤️ I can have compassion for myself as a Capricorn and a 3 on the Enneagram. I desperately want to be successful, I want to have the answers, fix things, do them efficiently, and be on top of it all.
But I also see that right now I have to allow myself to be fragile and flexible. Even typing that starts to bring tears to my eyes because it feels so scary to give up control, to not have a plan for every possible outcome.
THE TRUTH is that committing to healing (my body, spirit, and relationship) is the only way I'm ever going to be the person I want to be - the friend, the partner, the healer, the coach, the family member, and the citizen.
It's scary as shit but I'm willing.
Accountability check-ins are welcome. 💛
If you're also seeing that you could use support with financial scarcity worries in your life, let me know. I'd love to keep you in the loop for my upcoming group.